How to Cope with Grief During the Holidays: Practical Tips from a Grief & Loss Specialist
'Holiday Cheer' isn’t a One-Size-Fits-All Experience
The holiday season can feel overwhelming if your heart is heavy with loss. You may find yourself faced with questions that don’t necessarily have easy answers, like how do you manage your emotions when they don’t quite align with the festive spirit? How can you honor your loved one's memory in a season filled with celebration? And a particularly tough one – how do you handle the guilt of experiencing joy amidst your grief? Keep reading for practical strategies to gently navigate your feelings, remember your loved one, and yes, even find some space for those unexpected moments of joy, all while dealing with grief during the holidays.
Navigating the Emotional Rollercoaster of the Holiday Season
How Do I Handle My Emotions When I'm Not Exactly Feeling that holiday cheer?
Acknowledge Your Feelings: First, let's toss out the idea that you need to be the personification of holiday joy. Not feeling merry and bright? Totally fine. Emotions don’t follow a holiday schedule, and that's perfectly okay.
Set Boundaries: The holiday season often comes with a heavy load of traditions and expectations, which can feel overwhelming when you're grieving. It's important to recognize the pressure these traditions may bring and to understand that it's okay to approach them differently this year. Your emotional well-being is the priority, and if that means altering or even skipping certain traditions, so be it. Your feelings are valid and taking space for them is important. Here are some practical tips to help you set boundaries and manage expectations:
Learning to Say No: It's okay to turn down invitations or activities that feel too demanding. You don't owe anyone an elaborate explanation – a simple "I'm not up for it this year" is enough.
Delegating Responsibilities: If you usually host or cook, consider passing the baton this year. Delegate tasks to other family members or friends, or suggest a potluck-style gathering if you still want to host but with less pressure.
Redefining Traditions: Think about which traditions are meaningful to you and which ones you might want to skip or modify. Creating new traditions that honor your current emotional state and your loved one can be a beautiful way to celebrate the season.
Create a Support System: Grief can feel like a solitary journey, but it's important to remember that you don't have to navigate it alone, especially during the holiday season. This time of year can amplify feelings of loss, making the support of others even more crucial. Remember, reaching out is not a sign of weakness, but a step towards healing. You deserve to have a support system that can hold you up when you’re feeling down.
Join a Support Group: Sometimes talking with others who are also navigating grief can provide a unique kind of understanding and comfort. Look for local support groups or online communities dedicated to grief support.
Lean on Friends Who Get It: Surround yourself with friends who understand what you're going through. These are the friends who don't mind if you need to talk, cry, or simply sit in silence.
Consider Professional Help: If you find that grief is becoming overwhelming, don't hesitate to seek professional help. Therapists or counselors specializing in grief (like our awesome therapists at Hive!) can offer valuable strategies and support to help you through this difficult time.
Remembering Loved Ones During the Holidays
How Can I honor my loved one’s memory during the holidays?
Start a New Tradition: Creating a new holiday tradition in memory of your loved one can be a beautiful way to honor them. It could be as simple as lighting a candle or as elaborate as organizing a community event; these acts of remembrance can bring a sense of purpose and connection during the holidays.
Embrace Their Passions: Did they have a favorite holiday activity, movie, or recipe? Engaging in these activities can be a heartfelt way to feel connected to them and keep their spirit alive during the holidays.
Share Memories: At your next get-together, make time to share favorite memories and look at photos of your loved one. It’s like inviting them to the party in spirit and much less frustrating than arguing with Uncle Bob about politics.
Finding Joy Amidst Grief During the Holidays
How Do I Deal with the Guilt of Actually Enjoying Myself During the Holidays?
Understand That Joy and Grief Can Coexist: Spoiler alert – it's okay to smile or even have a good time during the holidays, grief and all. Think of it as emotional multitasking – you're capable of feeling joy while honoring your grief. Welcome to being a wonderfully complex human.
Give Yourself Permission to Be Happy: It's natural to feel like you should be in mourning every moment, but consider this: your loved one would likely want you to find happiness, even if it’s in small doses.Feeling moments of happiness doesn't diminish the love you have for the person you've lost, nor does it lessen the significance of your grief. I call these moments ‘glimmers’ – small, bright spots in tough times. Whether that’s a relaxing bath, crafting, getting lost in a good book, taking a hike, cooking a favorite recipe, chatting with a friend over coffee/tea, a yoga sesh, or melting into the couch and watching your favorite movie — let yourself enjoy these glimmers; they're like breaths of fresh air in your healing journey.
Practice Self-Compassion: Remember, healing from grief is more like a cha-cha than a sprint. Some days you’re forward, some days you’re back. On those days when you find a bit of cheer, embrace it. If you feel a wave of sadness, allow it. It's all part of the journey, and each step is a part of healing. Remember to be gentle with yourself through it all.
As you navigate the holiday season, whether you're setting new boundaries, creating fresh traditions, finding 'glimmers' of joy, or simply allowing yourself to experience the full range of emotions that come with grief, know that each step you take is valid and important. The holidays may magnify your loss, but they can also magnify the love, memories, and connections that remain.
And hey, if you're finding this season a bit too tough to navigate solo, our team at Hive Wellness Collective is here for you. We get it – grief is complex, and the holidays don't make it any easier. Our compassionate clinicians specialize in supporting women like you through the dumpster fire of emotions that can be the holidays. We’re here to lend an ear, share strategies, and just be a comforting presence during this time.
So, as you move through this holiday season, take it one day at a time, and remember, support is just a conversation away at Hive. Wishing you a holiday that’s as nurturing and peaceful as possible, in whatever way works best for you.