Simple Ways to Support a Child Through Divorce – Therapist Approved
Divorce can be one of the toughest changes for a family to navigate. While it's challenging for everyone involved, it can be particularly difficult for kids, who might not fully understand what's happening or why. Their sense of stability is often shaken, leaving them feeling uncertain, confused, and anxious about what comes next. From young children to teenagers, divorce can be a time of big questions and even bigger emotions.
As a parent, you naturally want to help your child cope with those emotions. But it’s common to feel unsure about where to start, what to say, or how to offer support without adding more stress to an already difficult situation. This post offers some simple, therapist-approved ways to support your child through divorce, with evidence-based tips that can help them feel seen, loved, and supported during a season of change. They may not erase all the difficult feelings, but they can set the stage for healthy coping, communication, and emotional resilience.
1. Keep the Communication Clear, Open, and Age-Appropriate
Communication is the foundation for helping your child understand and process the divorce. Kids need to know that it's okay to ask questions, share their feelings, and be heard as they grapple with the changes happening in their family. By keeping an open dialogue, you provide them with the safety and reassurance they need to make sense of what’s happening.
Be prepared for questions. Children are naturally curious, and divorce can leave them feeling confused or afraid. Younger children might ask, “Where will I sleep?” or “Will we still see Grandma?” Older kids or teens might want to know more about why the divorce is happening or have concerns about how it will impact their daily life and future.
Respond in a way that matches their age and understanding. For young kids, stick to simple, straightforward explanations like, “Mom and Dad are going to live in different houses, but we both love you very much and always will.” For older kids and teens, you can give more context without overloading them with details. Keep your language neutral and avoid speaking negatively about the other parent—this helps your child maintain their relationship with both parents without feeling torn.
Pro Tip: It's okay if you don't have all the answers. It's better to say, “I’m not sure, but I’ll let you know as soon as I do,” than to promise something uncertain. What matters most is letting your child know that their feelings are valid and that they can come to you with questions anytime.
2. Validate Their Feelings (Whatever They Are)
Children process divorce in their own unique ways. Some kids may express their emotions openly—crying, shouting, or asking lots of questions—while others may appear to “shut down,” seem indifferent, or try to distract themselves with other activities. No matter how your child responds, let them know that all of their feelings are valid and that it’s okay to feel whatever they’re feeling.
Validation might sound like, “I know this change is hard, and it’s okay to feel upset about it,” or “I can see that you’re feeling angry right now, and that’s normal.” If your child expresses guilt or thinks they’re to blame, reassure them that it’s not their fault (we’ll talk more about this later). Remember, the goal isn’t to fix their emotions or make everything better right away. It’s about creating a safe, open space where they can feel heard and supported.
Pro Tip: Don't be afraid to share your feelings, too. While you want to be mindful of not burdening your child with your emotions, letting them see that it’s okay to feel sad or frustrated can be a powerful model for healthy emotional expression. Try saying, “I feel sad too, and that’s okay. We’ll get through this together.”
3. Maintain Consistency and Routines Where You Can
For children, routines provide a sense of safety and predictability. Divorce often disrupts these routines—where they live, how their days look, and who’s around them—which can make the world feel chaotic and unpredictable. Maintaining some consistency in their daily life can offer comfort and stability in the midst of these changes.
For example, if your child has a bedtime routine like brushing their teeth, reading a book, and then cuddling, try to keep it the same, even if they’re splitting time between two homes. If they have a special Saturday morning pancake breakfast, make sure to continue it, regardless of which parent they're with. The more familiar patterns you can keep, the safer and more grounded your child will feel.
Pro Tip: Coordinate with your co-parent to align routines. Consistency between both homes can make transitions easier for your child. Keep key routines like school schedules, bedtime, and mealtime similar, so your child has some predictability wherever they are.
4. Let Them Know It’s Not Their Fault
It’s common for kids to internalize the divorce and blame themselves for their parents’ separation. They may think, “If I had behaved better, maybe Mom and Dad wouldn’t have fought,” or “If I do better in school, maybe they’ll get back together.” These thoughts can add an unnecessary layer of guilt and anxiety to an already difficult experience.
Be proactive in reassuring your child that the divorce is not their fault. It’s important to repeat this message often and in different ways to help them truly understand. You might say, “You didn’t do anything wrong—Mom and Dad both love you so much. This is a decision that grown-ups made, and it’s not because of anything you did or didn’t do.”
Pro Tip: Use examples that are relatable to your child’s age. For younger children, you can keep it simple: “You’re not responsible for adult decisions.” For older children, consider adding, “Sometimes, parents decide they’re happier living apart, but that doesn’t change how much we both love you.”
5. Encourage Connection with Both Parents
After a divorce, it’s natural for kids to worry about losing their bond with one or both parents. If it’s safe and healthy for them to do so, encourage your child to maintain a loving connection with both parents. Let them know that it’s okay to love, spend time with, and talk about both of you, without feeling guilty or caught in the middle.
Avoid putting your child in a position where they feel like they have to choose sides. Don’t ask them to relay messages between you and your co-parent, and resist asking them to choose where they want to spend their time. Instead, be supportive of their relationship with both parents, and help them navigate any mixed feelings they may have.
Pro Tip: Encourage open expression of their feelings. If your child misses the other parent when they’re with you, acknowledge their feelings and suggest that they call or send a message. This helps reinforce that their emotions are welcome and valid.
6. Help Them Identify and Express Their Feelings
Kids may have big emotions but not always the words to describe them. Helping your child identify and express their feelings can ease their emotional burden and give them a healthy outlet to process what’s happening. Younger kids might benefit from drawing or storytelling, while older kids may prefer talking or journaling.
Support your child by naming the feelings you notice: “It seems like you’re feeling sad today. Do you want to talk about what’s making you feel this way?” You might also ask open-ended questions like, “What was the hardest part of your day today?” to give them a chance to share what’s on their mind.
Pro Tip: Create a “Feelings Chart.” For younger children, a simple chart with faces representing different emotions (happy, sad, mad, scared) can help them point to how they’re feeling when they don’t have the words. This tool encourages emotional expression in a way that’s developmentally appropriate.
7. Practice Self-Care as a Parent
Your child looks to you as a model for how to handle the ups and downs of life. If you’re able to model healthy coping strategies—like talking about your feelings with supportive friends, taking time to relax, or seeking help from a therapist when needed—your child learns that it’s okay to take care of themselves, too.
Remember, self-care isn’t selfish; it’s essential. Divorce is an emotional rollercoaster, and taking care of your own mental health will help you be present and calm for your child. If you’re feeling overwhelmed or struggling to manage your own emotions, don’t hesitate to reach out for support.
Pro Tip: Normalize self-care. Let your child see you engage in self-care, and explain why it’s important. “I’m going to take a walk because it helps me feel calm. What’s something that helps you feel better when you’re upset?”
8. Reassure Them About the Future
Divorce can make kids feel anxious about what’s coming next—where they'll live, how holidays will be celebrated, or what their daily life will look like. Whenever possible, provide concrete details and reassurance about what they can expect in the future.
Let them know that while some things are changing, the important things, like the love and support of both parents, will remain constant. You can say things like, “Even though Mom and Dad live in different houses now, you’ll always have a home with both of us,” or “We’ll still celebrate birthdays and holidays together in our own special way.”
Pro Tip: Offer choices when possible. Giving kids a sense of agency can help reduce anxiety. Ask them how they’d like to decorate their room in each home or what traditions they’d like to keep.
9. Get Support for Your Child When Needed
If your child is having an especially tough time adjusting to the divorce—whether they’re showing mood changes, behavior issues, difficulty sleeping, or challenges at school—it might be helpful to involve a therapist. Therapy provides a neutral, safe space for your child to explore their emotions, develop coping skills, and receive support outside the family dynamic.
At Hive Wellness Collective, our therapists are experienced in supporting kids and families through the challenges of divorce. We offer a compassionate space for your child to work through their emotions, learn healthy coping strategies, and move forward in a way that feels comfortable for them.
Pro Tip: Therapy can be beneficial for you, too. It’s okay to seek support for yourself as you navigate this time. A therapist can help you process your own feelings and develop strategies to support your child effectively.
Remember, It’s a Process
Supporting your child through divorce isn’t about making everything perfect—it’s about showing up, listening, and providing a sense of stability and unconditional love. It’s okay if things aren’t always smooth; what matters most is that your child knows they’re safe, loved, and not alone.
If you need more guidance or support for your family during this time, don’t hesitate to reach out to Hive Wellness Collective. We’re here to walk alongside you and your child as you navigate this journey together.