The Sunset Scaries: Why the Evenings Can Feel So Overwhelming for New Parents
Ah, the sun goes down, the day winds down, and… BAM. That creeping feeling of dread settles in. If you’re a new parent, you know exactly what we’re talking about: the Sunset Scaries.
It’s that overwhelming sense of doom that sneaks in after a long, exhausting day of parenting. Maybe the baby finally went to sleep (for now), the house is quiet, and instead of feeling relief, you’re met with a wave of anxious thoughts, self-doubt, and an eerie sense of How in the @#$% am I going to do this all over again tomorrow?
You’re not alone. Let’s break down why the Sunset Scaries hit new parents so hard, what they can look like, and how to cope with them.
What Do the Sunset Scaries Look Like?
The Sunset Scaries can show up in a variety of ways for new parents. Here are some common scenarios:
Anxiety About the Night Ahead: You’re bracing for another unpredictable night with a newborn. Will the baby wake up every hour? Will they refuse to settle? The fear of sleeplessness can loom large as the evening wears on.
Overthinking Your Parenting Choices: Questions like, Did I feed them enough? Are they hitting milestones? Should I have handled that meltdown differently? start to spin in your head, making it hard to relax.
Worrying About the Next Day: Your brain fast-forwards to tomorrow’s challenges. How will I juggle work and the baby? Will I have the energy to make it through another day? The mental load feels heavier in the quiet of the evening.
Feeling Lonely or Disconnected: Even if you have a partner, you might feel isolated in your parenting journey. Nights can amplify that sense of loneliness, making you feel like no one else understands what you’re going through.
General Sense of Doom: For some, it’s less about specific worries and more about an all-encompassing feeling of dread. You might not be able to pinpoint exactly why you’re anxious, but the unease is very real.
These thoughts and feelings often show up as:
Trouble falling or staying asleep, even when the baby is sleeping.
Feeling on edge or restless in the evening.
A racing mind that’s hard to quiet.
Physical symptoms like a tight chest, upset stomach, or headaches.
Difficulty enjoying what should be your “down time.”
Why Do the Sunset Scaries Happen?
Being a new parent is already a 24/7 job, but evenings tend to carry a unique emotional weight. After a full day of meeting your baby’s endless needs, managing household tasks, and maybe sneaking in a few minutes for yourself (if you’re lucky), the evening is when everything seems to hit you all at once.
Here are a few reasons why the Sunset Scaries love to rear their ugly heads for new parents:
Exhaustion Meets Quiet: After a day of go-go-go, the stillness of the evening can feel jarring. It’s like your brain finally has the space to start overanalyzing and spiraling.
The Pressure to Recharge: Everyone says evenings are your time to relax and reset, but how are you supposed to relax when your to-do list is staring you down and tomorrow’s chaos is already looming?
Loneliness in Parenthood: Even if you’re co-parenting, evenings can feel isolating. The weight of responsibility often feels heavier in the quiet hours, and it’s easy to feel like you’re the only one struggling. Spoiler: You’re not.
Hormonal Fluctuations: Let’s not forget that your body is still adjusting post-baby. Hormonal shifts can intensify feelings of anxiety, stress, and even sadness in the evening.
Unfinished Emotional Business: During the day, you’re focused on your baby’s needs, errands, and responsibilities. At night, unresolved worries—whether about your parenting, relationships, or other life stressors—can resurface with a vengeance.
The Emotional Landscape of New Parenthood
The Sunset Scaries are often tied to the broader emotional challenges that come with being a new parent. These can include:
Identity Shifts: Becoming a parent changes how you see yourself. The weight of stepping into this new role can feel overwhelming, especially at night when the demands of the day are over.
Guilt and Self-Doubt: Many parents feel guilty for not doing “enough” or worry they’re not meeting some imaginary standard of parenting perfection.
Sleep Deprivation: Let’s be real—being tired makes everything worse. When you’re running on little to no sleep, your emotional resilience takes a hit.
Understanding these factors can help you reframe your experience and remind you that the Sunset Scaries are a reflection of how much you care—not evidence that you’re failing.
How to Cope with the Sunset Scaries
The good news? You don’t have to let these nighttime feelings take over. Here are some strategies to help:
1. Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR)
This technique involves tensing and then relaxing each muscle group in your body, working from your toes to your head. Research shows PMR can reduce anxiety and improve sleep by calming your nervous system. Try this right before bed to signal to your body that it’s time to wind down.
2. Limit Screen Time Before Bed
The blue light from screens can interfere with your body’s production of melatonin, the hormone that helps you sleep. Aim to put your phone down at least 30 minutes before bed and replace scrolling with a calming activity like reading, journaling, or meditating.
3. Grounding Exercises
When your mind is racing, grounding techniques can help anchor you in the present moment. A popular method is the "5-4-3-2-1" technique: name 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, and 1 you can taste. This sensory focus helps pull you out of anxious thought loops.
4. Set Boundaries with Your Thoughts
Practice thought defusion, a skill from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). When a negative thought arises, imagine it floating by like a leaf on a stream. Acknowledge it without judgment and let it pass, rather than engaging with it.
5. Prioritize Rest Over Perfection
Your house doesn’t need to be spotless, and your to-do list can wait. Focus on small wins, like getting 15 minutes of quiet time or sneaking in a short nap. Rest is restorative, even if it doesn’t look perfect.
6. Deep Breathing
Slow, deep breaths can activate your parasympathetic nervous system, which helps calm your body. Try inhaling for 4 counts, holding for 4, and exhaling for 6. Repeat this cycle several times to lower your heart rate and ease tension.
7. Keep a Gratitude Journal
Writing down 3 things you’re grateful for each evening can help shift your focus from what’s wrong to what’s going well. Gratitude has been shown to improve mood and reduce stress over time.
8. Normalize the Overwhelm
Remind yourself that these feelings are normal. Being a new parent is hard, and it’s okay to feel overwhelmed. You’re not failing; you’re human. Give yourself the same grace you’d offer a friend in your shoes.
9. Plan for Tomorrow, but Gently
If you’re lying awake thinking about everything you need to do, jot it down. A quick brain dump can help you feel more organized and keep those tasks from swirling around in your head. But keep it simple—no over-scheduling or perfectionism allowed.
10. Build a Wind-Down Routine
Routines aren’t just for babies; they’re for you, too! Try incorporating calming activities into your evening, like light stretching, a quick journaling session, or even zoning out to a favorite show. The goal is to signal to your brain that it’s time to unwind.
11. Ask for Support
Parenting isn’t meant to be a solo mission. Whether it’s leaning on your partner, calling a friend, or hiring help for even a few hours a week, don’t be afraid to ask for what you need. And if you’re feeling like the overwhelm is too much, therapy can be a game-changer.
How Hive Wellness Collective Can Help
At Hive Wellness Collective, we understand that parenting is as rewarding as it is exhausting. If the Sunset Scaries are hitting you hard, our therapists can help you navigate those overwhelming thoughts and feelings.
We specialize in helping new parents build resilience, set boundaries, and let go of the unrealistic expectations that keep you feeling stuck. Through evidence-based approaches like mindfulness, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and more, we’ll work together to help you feel more grounded and confident—even when the sun goes down.
Our therapists also provide support focused on the unique emotional challenges of parenthood, including postpartum anxiety, identity shifts, and navigating relationships with a partner or co-parent. We’re here to help you find strategies that work for you and your family, so you can meet the demands of parenthood with more clarity and peace of mind.
You don’t have to face the Sunset Scaries alone. Reach out to Hive Wellness Collective today and let us support you through this season of parenting. You’re doing an amazing job, and we’re here to help you see that too.
Don’t Forget: You’re Not Alone
The Sunset Scaries are tough, but they don’t have to define your evenings. With a little support and some new strategies, you can start to reclaim this time for yourself—or at least make it a little less intimidating. If you’re ready to tackle those end-of-day worries, Hive Wellness Collective is here to help. Let’s work together to turn your evenings into something you look forward to again.
Remember, it’s okay to feel overwhelmed—but that doesn’t mean you have to stay stuck in those feelings. With the right tools and support, you can find peace even in the midst of parenthood’s beautiful chaos. Reach out today, and let’s tackle the Sunset Scaries together.