3 Tips to Help Your Child Manage Their Anxiety

Anxiety often makes kids feel stuck in stories that aren’t fully accurate—it’s like they’re caught in a movie that’s playing out worst-case scenarios. Instead of seeing the present moment for what it is, anxious kids might imagine what could go wrong, leading them down a rabbit hole of "what-ifs." Inference-Based Therapy (IBT) aims to break this cycle by helping kids separate fact from feeling and ground themselves in a narrative that’s more realistic and evidence-based. The goal isn’t to invalidate their anxiety but to broaden their perspective beyond it. If your child struggles with anxious thoughts, here are three therapist-approved strategies, rooted in IBT, to help them see their situation more clearly.

1. Challenge “What-If” Thinking and Create an Alternative Story

Anxiety loves “what-ifs”: What if I fail this test? What if something bad happens? What if I embarrass myself? These thoughts often lead kids into a spiral of worst-case scenarios that make situations seem far scarier than they are. One of the key principles of IBT is challenging these “what-ifs” by introducing your child to the idea of probability vs. possibility.

Encourage your child to differentiate between what could happen (which, technically, is almost anything) and what is likely to happen based on facts. Ask questions like:

• “What’s the most likely outcome here?”

• “If someone else were in your shoes, what would you tell them?”

• “What would a balanced, more neutral story sound like?”

Once your child starts identifying the facts in their situation, help them craft an alternative story that is more balanced. This is not about ignoring their fears—it’s about helping them see that the anxious narrative is just one way to view the situation, and there are other, more likely outcomes. For example, if they’re worried about failing a test, the alternative story might be: “Even if I get some questions wrong, I’ve studied hard and will likely do just fine.”

The aim is to practice this skill regularly so that, over time, your child becomes more comfortable catching their anxious “what-ifs” and reframing them into stories that are rooted in reality, not fear.

2. Tune Into Context, Not Just Feelings

When anxiety flares up, kids often get consumed by how they feel, losing sight of what's actually happening around them. IBT encourages helping your child “zoom out” to consider the context and surroundings instead of staying stuck in their anxious feelings. Feelings are valid, but they’re not always accurate reflections of reality.

To support your child in tuning into context, help them ask themselves:

• “What is actually happening right now that’s making me feel this way?”

• “What can I see, hear, or notice around me?”

• “Do my feelings match what’s really happening?”

For example, if your child is worried about getting called on in class, ask questions like: “Are other kids getting called on too? What usually happens when they don’t know the answer? Do they get in trouble, or do they get support?” By gently encouraging your child to explore the situation, they can start to see that their feelings might be overestimating the threat, and that reality is often much less scary.

IBT emphasizes the importance of this contextual thinking because it helps children shift away from the inward spiral of their anxiety and move toward a broader understanding of the situation as a whole. Over time, this practice can help your child differentiate between their feelings and the actual events around them.

3. Reframe Beliefs and Practice the “What’s More Likely?” Skill

Kids with anxiety often have deeply rooted beliefs like, “I’m going to mess this up,” or “Something bad will definitely happen.” These beliefs are powerful because they’re usually built on a history of anxious thoughts and past experiences. But IBT helps children practice the skill of reframing by introducing a different question: What’s more likely?

Encourage your child to check their anxious thoughts against what’s happened before. If your child is anxious about going to a birthday party and believes, “No one will talk to me,” help them reflect on similar past situations. Ask, “What happened the last time you went to a party? Did people talk to you then? How did it go?” By comparing their current thoughts to past experiences, they may begin to see that their negative belief doesn’t always hold true.

Reframing isn’t about pretending everything is fine—it’s about looking at the full picture and helping your child find a thought that aligns with both the facts and their emotional experience. For example, if they’re nervous about making friends, a more balanced thought might be: “I’m feeling anxious about making new friends, but last time I was in this situation, it went okay. It might go okay this time too.”

Practicing reframing allows your child to move away from letting anxiety dictate their story and toward a more reality-based way of thinking. Over time, they’ll learn to challenge automatic negative thoughts and build a habit of considering a wider range of possibilities.

Putting It All Together: Crafting a More Balanced Narrative

The ultimate goal of IBT is to help your child see their situation with more clarity and develop a story that’s not driven by anxiety alone. Think of it like widening the lens on a camera: instead of zooming in on the anxiety and making it the center of every experience, you help your child zoom out to see the context, the evidence, and all the different possibilities that exist.

It’s a process that takes time, and that’s okay. By encouraging your child to challenge their “what-if” thinking, focus on the context, and practice reframing their beliefs, you’re helping them build a skill set that will not only support them in managing anxiety but also help them feel more confident and grounded in any situation.

Need Support? We’re Here for You.

If you’d like help navigating your child’s anxiety and supporting them in developing a balanced, empowering perspective, Hive Wellness Collective is here for you. Our therapists are experts when it comes to supporting kids and families in finding relief from anxiety. Reach out to get started today.