What Does ADHD Look Like in Moms?
Motherhood can be overwhelming on the best of days, but for moms with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), it can feel downright impossible. ADHD is generally thought to be a childhood disorder impacting males (boys are 2x more likely to be diagnosed with ADHD than girls), largely due to the fact that most boys who are diagnosed tend to exhibit hyperactive-impulsive symptoms, meaning that their symptoms tend to be more noticeable and draw more attention.
Girls with ADHD, on the other hand, tend to experience symptoms like trouble focusing and disorganization, which frequently get overlooked. However, as these girls get older and enter adulthood, untreated ADHD symptoms can become more problematic. Many moms I see tell me they struggled as adults due to symptoms of ADHD that they didn’t necessarily know were due to ADHD, but generally “got by,” with things coming to a head once they had kids and found themselves faced with juggling multiple demands on a daily basis (e.g., work, childcare, household responsibilities, doctor’s appointments, after school activities, societal expectations of what “good mothering” looks like, etc). Read on to learn more about what ADHD looks like in motherhood and how to effectively manage it.
The Impact of ADHD on Motherhood
Moms with untreated ADHD often report feeling disorganized, distracted & incredibly overwhelmed (one mom told me: “I feel like I have a bunch of tabs open in the browser in my brain, and I just cannot figure out how to close any of them.”) For some moms, that looks like having trouble getting started on tasks/completing them, frequently forgetting appointments or plans, and/or having a hard time regulating emotions, leading to outbursts and anger, particularly when feeling stressed (and stress seems in no short supply when you’re a mom).
As a result, moms with untreated ADHD often report struggling with low self-esteem as well, noting they often feel a lot of shame and guilt tied to self-critical thoughts that they are not a good mom due to the limitations and frustrations they are dealing with as a result of their ADHD. Notably, depression, anxiety & substance abuse frequently co-occur with ADHD, which obviously presents even more challenges when it comes to being the mom you want to be.
Treating ADHD in Moms
Treatment for ADHD in motherhood often includes a combination of medication and psychotherapy. In particular, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) has been found to be effective for ADHD and focuses on learning practical strategies to manage challenges with:
organization
prioritization
distractibility
CBT for ADHD also focuses on helping clients identify any unhelpful thought patterns that may be creating challenges in their life and working to restructure them along with practicing positive self-talk. For example, we work on taking “I forgot to fill out that permission slip for my child’s field trip again. I can’t do anything right” to “Sometimes I get overwhelmed with everything I need to do and forget things, but I am working on getting organized in therapy and I have started setting reminders for specific things I need to get done” — that feels a little more compassionate and kind, no? The benefits of re-framing our unhelpful thoughts in a more positive, balanced way can be far-reaching; notably, it helps increase our motivation to complete tasks and it helps us more effectively manage negative emotions that may come up when we face challenges in our journey to manage our ADHD, all of which can lead to increased self-esteem (woo hoo!) We also learn about mindfulness and specific techniques to help regulate our emotions when we’re feeling overwhelmed, which can help us feel less stressed overall, while also modeling emotional intelligence & healthy coping skills for our kids.
Am I an Overwhelmed Mom or Could it be ADHD?
Motherhood is A LOT and it’s normal to feel overwhelmed at any given time in the journey. Usually, it is situational (e.g., you’re overwhelmed because you’ve picked up some extra responsibilities at work so life feels more chaotic or the baby is teething and you’re not getting great sleep so you’ve been forgetful and a little more irritable with your family). But if that overwhelm is more persistent and you’re noticing various areas of your life (e.g., work, home, personal relationships) are continually being impacted by your distractibility, disorganization and/or trouble managing your emotions, it may be a good time to reach out to your healthcare provider. The ADHD Self Report Scale can be a helpful starting point to begin to explore if what you’re experiencing might be related to ADHD/if further clinical evaluation is needed.
If you’re interested in learning more about how therapy can help you effectively manage ADHD’s impact on your motherhood experience, please don’t hesitate to reach out. Our clinicians at Hive Wellness Collective are well-versed in supporting mothers navigating the challenges of ADHD. With tailored strategies and compassionate guidance, we work with you to ensure that ADHD doesn't overshadow the joys of motherhood.